Dark in Here

This post is from one of my British buddies.

NB for the Americans: "football" = soccer ball, "boots" = cleats.

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard. Then the woman's husband also comes home. Panicked, she puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy "I have a football."
Man "That's nice."
Boy "Want to buy it?"
Man "No, thanks."
Boy "My dad's outside."
Man "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"

A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.

Boy "Dark in here."
Man "Yes, it is."
Boy "I have football boots."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy "$750"
Man "Sold."

A few days later, the boy's father says to the boy, "Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of footy. The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots." The father says, "What?! Why?! How much did you sell them for?" Boy - "$1,000." The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. You're going to church to confess!"

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that shit again".

C+C Music Factory

Unashamedly scraped from: http://www.freewebs.com/jupiter1024/hmm.htm

Things That Make You Go Hmm...

If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the actors on Unsolved Mysteries or America's Most Wanted ever get arrested because they
look like the criminal they are playing?

How did singer K-Ci get 2 years probation for indecent exposure and yet Eminem got only one year for assault with a deadly weapon?

Speaking of Eminem, why is it that BET got pissed when he made fun of Michael Jackson, but kept quiet when he talked about gays and women?

Did anyone else feel old upon realizing that kids who like Power Rangers and Ninja Turtles nowadays weren't even born when the shows first came on?

Why do you pay extra to get something put on your sandwich but don't get a discount when something is taken off?

If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

Doesn't mainstream hiphop nowadays sound like one bad 2pac cover album after the other?

When people say "PIN number," do they know they're saying "Personal Identification Number Number?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we thought to put wheels on luggage?

What's the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?

Why are public toilet seats never complete ovals?

Why do labels on children’s medacine say not to drive or operate heavy machinery?

Can we all agree that MTV2 should be the main channel and MTV with all its pointless shows, the backup?

If you are born on February 29 of a leap year, when is your birthday?

If you had x-ray vision and could see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?

Speaking of Superman, why do people in Metropolis get excited if they really thought they saw a bird or plane?

If an anarchist group attained political power, would they by principle have to dissolve their own government?

Why is the name for fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?

Who the hell keeps giving basketball players recording deals?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

Why are Christmas lights packaged with the warning "For indoor or outdoor use only"? Where else would you put them?

Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

How can bottled water go out of date?

Why does lemon dishsoap contain real lemons, but lemon juice is artificial flavoring?

If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why couldn't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?

Why is Goofy sentinent while Pluto isn't? They're both dogs!

Since Bugs Bunny walks around naked, why does he put a bathing suit on when he goes swimming?

If a truck is loaded with Helium, would it weigh less than when it was empty? Wouldn't it get better fuel mileage?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy roadrunner for dinner?

Why are needles for lethal injections sterilized?

If The Flintstones were B.C., how could they have Christmas or Thanksgiving specials?

Why is it good to be Daddy's little girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?

Why do grocery stores have so many checkout line registers but only keep 3 or 4 open?

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Isn't the 13th floor still chronologically the 13th even if it's named the 14th?

...And wouldn't naming it the 14th floor just anger the bad luck gods and bring even more unfortunate events?

Are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why do drive-thru ATMs have braille code on them?

Wouldn't you love to see me on The Real World?

Recent Terrorist Threats - Raised Security Levels

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.

Israel is carrying out air strikes on everyone, but that’s business as usual.

And at a local level New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Sh*t, I hope Australia will come and rescue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the use of the final escalation level.